Beyond Toxicity: The Importance of Rebuilding Masculinity for Today's World

You’ve probably been bombarded recently with the term “Toxic Masculinity,” usually in the context of powerful male dominance over an industry or group of people (especially women). This popular narrative suggests that to have a more harmonious society men must be tamed and feminized. I believe this ideology is toxic, causing irreparable damage to our societies and the men who inhabit them.

Over time, due largely to ignorance of their original context, certain words lose their meaning and become misused. Somehow, “masculinity” shifted from being the image of hard-working, brave, morally driven, and courageous leaders, to an image of oppressive and abusive tyrants.

In truth, “Toxic Masculinity” contradicts authentic masculinity, and this misappropriation is often driven by declining examples of true masculinity.

For it is weak, insecure, and ignorant men who are the issue–men who believe being masculine is to assert oneself through dominance, power, abuse, and emotional aggression. They cope with their insecurity through power-hungry behaviors, abusing their authority or positions in order to feel better about themselves. They manipulate, cajole, demean, and undermine others, and the resulting trauma resonates through interpersonal relationships and society at large.

Yet, this is not real masculinity.

Real masculinity is typified by men who protect, provide, lead by example, encourage, and are driven by unshakable morals and principles which aren’t sacrificed at the altar of convenience or insecurity. Truly masculine men built our societies, provided the infrastructures needed for culture and art to thrive, defended our nation’s integrity, and wake up each day to make sure things work for themselves and others.

I believe the answer to “toxic” masculinity is to develop and encourage authentic masculinity, not to emasculate men; for “Bad times create strong men, strong men create good times, but good times create weak men.”

In the horrors of the 20th and early 21st centuries, from World War 1 through 9/11, each generation was forced to fight for freedom, to protect their homes and their families, and yet still manage to provide for and lead others. Since this time, and with the technological revolutions of the 2000s, men have largely enjoyed comfort and convenience our forefathers fought for us to have. It’s been too easy. The closest thing to a major crisis has been the Covid-19 pandemic, in which North Americans could stay home, order their groceries online, collect government checks, and watch TV all day. I’m not downplaying the suffering Covid has caused. I’m simply making the case that the stage has been set for weak men to thrive, even to take control of power structures that affect our society.

All the while, people on the internet shame men who admire authentic masculinity and see it as a virtue.

Today’s society is great at emasculating men and shaming them for their biological makeup. The result? A society in which men cannot thrive as they were designed ends up being imbalanced and ineffective. While we might have the illusion of strength when our infrastructures are working well, when public discourse demeans or diminishes real masculinity we are not healthy.

Moreover, to admire authentic masculinity is not to disdain women. Not only are men and women essential to society, real masculinity encourages and empowers women. Both personalities have a seat at the table! And that is where the great misconception lies. It should never be about one personality ruling over the other, but rather finding the sweet spot where both can thrive and function, creating a great and balanced society where are our children are not only protected (a byproduct of masculinity) but also loved and empowered to live in their purpose (a byproduct of femininity). Both men and women have essential roles in our society, and both should be encouraged to shine in their light. Also, there is so much beauty in diversity. The answer should never be to make men less masculine, or women less feminine - but rather celebrate and empower each personality in their soil so they can bloom to the zenith of their existence.

So, I wonder…what kind of men are we? Are we weak men wearing masks of strength? Are we hiding our insecurities with condescending attitudes toward others? Does our excessive need for validation and power ignore the underlying and vital mark of a true man? Authentic masculinity begins and rests upon an inward understanding of who we are, our morals and principles, of the integrity to stay true to ourselves and others. When the roots are healthy, the fruits of true and healthy masculinity will come. I encourage you today to be a truly masculine man, and never to apologize for it.