Self-Care Isn't Selfish: Prioritize Your Well-Being for a Happier Life

While writing this blog I am smoking a personal favorite–Leaf by Oscar’s Corojo. Leaf by Oscar is a Honduran cigar company, and the Corojo (in this case, Gordo) delivers notes of chocolate, hints of pepper spice, and is surprisingly light considering its darker shade. Yes, I acknowledge the potential irony of writing about self-care while smoking a cigar, but hey, self-care comes in many shapes and sizes (just like cigars!).

Self-care is part of 21st century zeitgeist terminology. Given the ever-increasing speed of daily life and the upward trend of mental health issues (now at 13% of the global population), self-care, although not a new concept, is shifting from a luxury to a necessity. But why is self-care important and what should self-care look like to be effective?

Starting with the what and then the why, let’s dive in.

Today, self-care most often addresses only the physical and the mental aspect of our being. But I wager this is an incomplete approach. As humans, we are mind, body, soul, and spirit. If we focus only on physical (body) and mental (mind) health, we care only for half of ourselves. To truly be called “self-care” we must address all four parts of “self”--mind (mental), body (physical), soul (emotions), and spirit (spiritual).

Picture a car and the fluids required to run it. Metaphorically, self-care is the fluids and we are the car. A car needs oil, gas, window wiper fluid, brake fluid, and more, to run properly. Without all the necessary fluids (self-care), the car (us) will not run properly. Yet the real purpose of self-care is to help others by helping yourself. This might be considered the “what” of self-care, yet there’s more. In the same way self-care, when relegated only to the mental and physical, is incomplete, self-care relegated to only ourselves is incomplete. As the term itself states, self-care is indeed for self, but as a starting point, not the end. We all need to be healthy, but if we are only being healthy for ourselves and not translating this health to others, we miss the point. If as healthy people we live out the what of self-care but fail to seek the health of others, then we operate in selfish-care. Think of it this way: When a person works out physically, not only does their physical health improve, but their mental and spiritual self benefits as well. Thus, the ultimate purpose of self-care is to help create health in others.

Personally, self-care plays a huge role in my marriage. To be the husband my wife deserves, I need to be healthy. I can tell the difference day-to-day and week-to-week when I am engaging effectively in self-care. When I take care of the what and why of self-care, I am present, focused, patient, and able to lead well, and these qualities translate into my wife feeling loved, heard, happy, and energized–i.e., healthy! Yet, when I do not engage in self-care, I am moody, selfish, impatient, and have trouble leading. On those days, my wife and I have trouble finding our rhythm, and we’re not as healthy as we could be.

I am still learning to implement the what and why of self-care. Yet, as I consistently emphasize these two realities, I develop the foundational habits necessary to become a healthy me, so I can help others be healthy as well.

So, take a long draw of your favorite cigar or a sip of whatever you are drinking, reflect for a moment, and let us know your thoughts below.